¤ solstar..

i am superfluous. he doesn’t need me. he has billions of other best friends he can tell anything and everything. And me, not wanting to hear of that part of his life… why then should he talk to me at all?

i don’t know. i think i’ve ruined things. Erica says he shouldn’t tell me everything. That I should remember how it hurt before. That it’s not right of him… That I couldn’t go on listening about what he had to say about who he liked and how they’re perfect. That.. I like him.

And, she speaks the truth. I can’t bear the listen to him speak about his perfect new loves. These fantastic, attractive beings who bring him happiness… I can’t bear to hear it. I am just a friend… and I can’t bear it yet.
yet.
yet.
Someday, I could bear it. That day when I move on, give up… but… not yet.
But, what if I’ve ruined things. He’ll turn and snarl and rebuke me. He’ll take my present and rip it in half. Or, perhaps, he’ll greet me without interest. As if I were just… nobody. No more of his smile, no more of his laughter… no more sweetness towards me… What if I just become a shadow to him… What then…

Then again, my mind creates fantasies that are so crazy that they hurt me even more, knowing that they’d never come true in a million years.
I don’t know anymore. All I know is, things just might change between us. And for the worse.

C’est la vie..