¤ solstar..

After reading the novel “The Perks of Being A Wallflower”, I’ve found I was able to really think.
To sit and think. And in the end, I realized how dishonest a person I am. I can be there for people and listen and observe, but I never take action. I never voice my wants and needs. It’s as if I live for everyone else.
I never act, out of fear of rejection, fear of a negative reaction. I’m swayed easily from my morals…
Am I really a person? A living, breathing being? What is wrong with me?
Why can’t I be strong like my mother? Is this how my grandma is?
Not living the life that she devised.
Reminds me a song by Jamiroquai called “The Kids”
Kids get down
Pressurised
To live the life
That you devise.
Watch me now.
Kids get down
Celebrate
Life’s too short
To complicate.
Watch me now.
‘Cause the kids got funky soul…

I feel like every motion, passion I feel is a plagerism. That nothing I feel is real, it’s just.. fake.
I want it to be real.
I want to speak what I feel.
I’m tired of the consequences.
I can’t do what I want because I’m so afraid.
I can’t breathe.
Everything I do has one reason. That I don’t want a negative reaction. That I don’t want to be rejected.I want to breathe.
I can’t breathe.I’m tired of going along with things out of fear of rejection.
I’m tired.
I’m sick of it.