¤ solstar..

hm.

i dreamed we were in a cup, on a chair, bench.
me next to him next to BB.
he tickled me or something and our faces were close
then we met
lips
hands
his neck
then i stopped and screamed OH MY GOD, BIANCA! D:
and stopped abruptly, cause i thought it would disturb her
this sudden and surprising PDA
and she had a white shirt or something over her head.
it made me lol.
then i was awake
and wanted to scream WOOOOH
after realizing,
i hadn’t killed someone,
three boys weren;t battling for me,
and i had not in fact made out with my friend on a cup shaped bench and reached nirvana.
lies.

am i not one for change? i don’t know.
i haven’t made any huge changes for myself.
i tell myself i’m going to get organized and cleanly.
and lose weight.
those are changes, and i’ve failed in all for the most part.

i said i’d stop being lovesick, and that only got worse.
said i’d get a job, that didn’t work out.
that i’d become more social, that’s a failing work in progress.
but these aren’t changes.. i think?
change is defined as… a transformation. To give a completely different form or appearance to.
An inner change, an outer change.

Well, getting organized and clean, that’s a change.
Getting off the computer and doing something productive..
Well, I did name all changes, in that case.
I guess.goddamnit, i’m so irritable.
i wanna kick a puppy.
fuckkk.