i believe i can fly

28 09 2008

recent events have inspired me so much.
i will be more confident.

Erica (12:55:46 PM): I HATE MY MOM
Erica (12:55:47 PM): ughhhh
omgwtfDity (12:56:01 PM): i was at a funeral yesterday.
Erica (12:56:12 PM): whos funeral?
omgwtfDity (12:56:24 PM): my grandfather’s cousin.. my cousin.
omgwtfDity (12:57:21 PM): a body.. flesh.. in a lovely casket.
being pushed rather coarsely into a opening on a wall.
in a mausoleum.
first time seeing that kind of burial/encryption.
omgwtfDity (12:57:33 PM): by a man in a jumpsuit with gray hair.
omgwtfDity (12:57:43 PM): she died in an elevator.
collapsed.
Erica (12:57:44 PM): :o
omgwtfDity (12:57:46 PM): she wasn’t sick.
Erica (12:57:49 PM): what?!
Erica (12:57:50 PM): OMG!
Erica (12:57:55 PM): wow..
Erica (12:57:58 PM): :(
Erica (12:57:59 PM): wow.
omgwtfDity (12:58:20 PM): i couldn’t shed tears for her at the funeral.
i shed tears for others.
other people who could.. die.
leave.
omgwtfDity (12:58:23 PM): something about death.
omgwtfDity (12:58:41 PM): you weep for what was and what could’ve been.
regrets and “i wish i had”’s.
omgwtfDity (12:59:10 PM): and being in the mausoleum.
surrounded by these.. people?
bodies.
pictures of people smiling.
friends, families.
omgwtfDity (12:59:30 PM): it puts things into perspective.
omgwtfDity (1:00:07 PM): life is so..
omgwtfDity (1:00:09 PM): fragile.
omgwtfDity (1:00:13 PM): and people are so..
omgwtfDity (1:00:16 PM): stupid
omgwtfDity (1:00:19 PM): It’s so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, our minutes.
omgwtfDity (1:00:25 PM): a quote.
omgwtfDity (1:00:37 PM): everything is so indefinite.
omgwtfDity (1:01:03 PM): every problem has been lived.
omgwtfDity (1:01:11 PM): every path taken.
omgwtfDity (1:01:22 PM): every object something that could be taken away as soon as giving.
omgwtfDity (1:01:29 PM): *given.
omgwtfDity (1:01:49 PM): i want to be more confident.
i don’t want to have regrets.
or any “i wish i had’s”
omgwtfDity (1:01:52 PM): there will be some.
omgwtfDity (1:01:57 PM): there will be some shortcomings.
omgwtfDity (1:01:59 PM): but
omgwtfDity (1:02:00 PM): i can try.
omgwtfDity (1:02:02 PM): now.
Erica (1:02:03 PM): :o
omgwtfDity (1:02:07 PM): what did your mom do?
Erica (1:02:12 PM): *jaw drop*
Erica (1:02:20 PM): your a VERY smart girl
Erica (1:02:26 PM): i dont know anyone like you
Erica (1:02:27 PM): at all
Erica (1:02:33 PM): you are one unique person
Erica (1:02:36 PM): seriously

so on and so forth.
Comments : No Comments »
Categories : Uncategorized

from the dlisted comments page…

26 09 2008

Also, to add onto the ED discussion…the two hardest words I ever had to realize was “love yourself”. I spent years trying to find love because I wanted to be a size so-and-so…but when I reached that size I still wasn’t feeling the love…just getting laid by scumbags who pick up on low self esteem like a scent. One day I said “fuck it, I’m hungry” and ate something I didn’t count the calories for first (bitch to add all that calorie shit up, no?). I slept like a baby that night and didn’t worry about keeping the covers bundled up around me so I could sweat off weight in my sleep…when I slept, since I was taking Stackers to *ahem* “control my appetite”.

I was fucking crazy…I was raised by crazy people and decided that bullshit needed to stop.

It took me getting away from my mental mother, a gym membership, eating on the regular again, not giving a shit about dress sizes but how it felt to get a good hour’s workout in so I could go and get a big fat peanut butter smoothie. Then I met the man of my dreams…built like Michael Phelps but not too concerned with what I ate. Now I get fucked on the regular regardless if my pants fit right that day…and he loves me. Oh God, he *loves* me. It’s heaven and it helped me love myself. If you feel you need to skip a meal for a day or two, think for a second and fucking LOVE yourself and *eat*…every part, clean your plate, hold your head up in that “Fuck OFF, it’s MY world” position…don’t say a word and watch the respect roll in. It will, even if it’s disguised in invective from “haters” who can only dream to let that which does not matter…truly slide. :)

We need a Twyla Durden to tell these Hollywood women that they are not their number on the scale…they are not their dress size…they are not their fucking Jimmy Choos… they are beautiful, unique snowflakes.

Comments : No Comments »
Categories : Uncategorized